Tag Archives: taxes


Don’t Make Me Break Out The Swears Again …

Toni PreckwinkleGoddammit, gun people, you’re driving me crazy. I’m one of those liberals who’s on your side. Well, I’m on your side inasmuch as I accept the fact that the Supreme Court has ruled, twice, that the Second Amendment creates a personal right to own certain kinds of firearms, including handguns, and I see no point in wasting valuable time, money and effort trying to overturn those rulings, or to repeal or modify the Amendment, when there are tools at our disposal to address gun violence today. For the record, if I was on the Court I probably would have found that the Second Amendment creates a personal right to own at least some types of firearms as against the federal government, but not as against state and municipal governments. But the Court, as they say, isn’t final because they’re right; they’re right because they’re final.

Still, even the most Scalia-est of Justices – meaning, in this case, Scalia himself – acknowledged that the Second Amendment’s right to keep and bear arms “is not unlimited”; that it’s “not a right to keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose”; that “nothing in [the landmark Heller decision] should be taken to cast doubt on longstanding prohibitions on the possession of firearms by felons and the mentally ill, or laws forbidding the carrying of firearms in sensitive places such as schools and government buildings, or laws imposing conditions and qualifications on the commercial sale of arms”; and that “the sorts of weapons protected [by the Second Amendment] [a]re those ‘in common use at the time’ [the Amendment was adopted].” District of Columbia v. Heller, 554 U.S. 570 (2008), quoting United States v. Miller, 307 U.S. 174, 179 (1939).

When your chief advocate on the nation’s highest court says those things, my gun-owning friends, you ought to take him seriously. More to the point, you ought not to flinch or go rabidly mad every time anyone suggests that maybe we ought to consider – consider, mind you – exploring some of the constitutional options Justice Scalia laid out in the Heller opinion.
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Phil Mickelson Shanks One

Possibly the worst shot of his career.

Mickelson instantly became the perfect example of the rich, out of touch, privileged white man when he complained about the amount of taxes he pays for the backbreaking work of playing a game dominated by rich, out of touch, privileged white men.

Mickelson“Well, it’s been an interesting offseason, and I’m going to have to make some drastic changes,” said Mickelson, who lives with his wife and three children in Rancho Santa Fe, just north of San Diego. “And I’m not going to jump the gun and do it right away, but I will be making some drastic changes.”

… “If you add up all the federal and you look at the disability and the unemployment and the Social Security and the state, my tax rate is 62, 63 percent,” Mickelson said. “I’ve got to make some decisions on what I am going to do.”

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The GOP rides into the sunset.

But we have to be committed to hurrying them along.

Ok, I’m just going to say this crazy thing out loud:

It is my professional opinion, as a typer of words for little pay and longtime citizen of these United States, that the GOP as we know it will soon, within my lifetime, be a thing of the past.

BEFORE YOU START TELLING ME I’M WRONG, let’s focus on the words “as we know it.”

I’m not suggesting that the Republican Party will disappear, nor that a third party will rise to threaten it. No apocalypse, no Zombie Lincoln coming back to regain the brand.

I’m merely suggesting that the GOP that very clearly has little-to-no time for gay people, black people, Latino people, Asian people, not-rich people, not-Christian people, or women people, will, within a generation, have to find a new way to keep big business afloat.

My evidence?

The American people.

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"Stop Coddling the Poor" by T.P. Pratt

[What follows is a reader submission for your eye holes: T.P. Pratt provides this horrifying glimpse into the life of the rich.  It is chilling.  -ABLxx]

 The other day — Sunday — I woke up and went about doing what I normally do on a Sunday.

You know, maybe make some breakfast, hate myself a little bit more for watching Meet The Press, and so on. My Sundays are lovely — I often enjoy sitting back, sipping some tea, and making myself feel particularly stupid while attempting The New York Times crossword puzzle.

This past Sunday was like most others — just lovely — until I happened upon something so outrageously false, so perpetually upsetting to me that I felt the urge to to do something bold — something direct.  And so, I put pen to paper finger to keyboard and wrote the following letter.

Dear Warren Buffett:

I couldn’t help but notice that you decided to lower yourself from aging tycoon to New York Times hack. Perhaps “hack” is too harsh — harsh for hacks that will undoubtedly be hurt by their association with you. Frankly, I’m not quite sure what to call you, or what to say about your “op-ed.”   I will say this, however: I find it to be richer in fairy tales and myths than an episode of Game of Thrones.

“Stop coddling the rich?” Perhaps you were coddling the bourbon as you wrote your pablum; I don’t know.

You think the rich have it easy, or something? You think they are coddled and lead easy lives? Well, think again, pal.

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Teabillies: Taxed Enough Already? Thank Obama for lowering your taxes.

You idiots.

So you know how the Teabillies are some of the most uninformed people in the history of the land, almost exclusively due to the fact they watch solely Fox News, and Fox News is a lying sack of shit?  Well now we have the numbers to prove it.

In the Teabilly mind, the word “tea” stands for Taxed Enough Already. I wonder how much their heads would explode if they found out that Obama has actually reduced taxes more than any other president since Eisenhower  back in 19-reallylongtimeago:

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Budget Cuts: There's a Difference Between Quality and Quantity [UPDATED]

It doesn’t look that bad thus far, so calm down.

As expected, left-leaning Beltway pundits are freaking the fuck out about yet another cave by Obama.

He compromised. He’s a shitty negotiator. He always gives the Republicans what they want. PRIMARY HIM!!!11one

Everyone rushed to judgment before the facts about the budget cuts were even released.

So how does it shake out now that the facts are rolling out? Pretty damn well, All Things Considered1:

(MOAR budget madness)


The United States Government is an Asshat

Exactly what the hell is wrong with it?

Republicans? You suck.  Is there anything that you plan to do to move this country forward?  I haven’t seen it.  You’re talking about enacting federal laws preventing judges from using Sharia law in federal courts.  You’re talking about whittling away separation of church and state so we can be one big Christian nation (even though your biggest idiot is MORMON and you don’t even fucking like Mormons!)

You’re talking about “too much government! me no likey government!” but then you’re also talking about forcing women to have babies or else face punishment from the government — forcing women who have been raped to have their rapist or that creepy Uncle Joe’s baby!  What the hell is wrong with you?  You think the homosexuals have an agenda and their agenda infringes your liberty.  What the hell is wrong with you?

Democrats? You suck.  The GOP is doing nothing but saying no, no, no, to every fucking thing you try do, and now you’ve decided to wait until after the midterms before voting on the tax cuts — even though the majority of Americans supports extending the tax cuts for the middle class, and letting the tax cuts expire for the rich — because you’re a bunch of ‘fraidy cats.  What the hell is wrong with you?

I get it.  You’re scared of the word “taxes.”  “Taxes” ruined your 5th birthday party.  “Taxes” shoved you in a locker in school and it was really claustrophobic in there.  “Taxes” promised to have sex with you on prom night, but left you handcuffed to the bed and stole your clothes.  “Taxes” defriended you on Facebook.  Well, sack up already.

Look, I don’t pretend to understand economics.  But it seems to me, someone among you must.  Fucking figure it out already.

President Obama? What the fuck, dude?  You were riding high on a wave of hope.  But now? You’re sinking on a wave of WTF!?  Some of your base loathes you so much that they are contemplating aligning themselves with the fucking Tea Party because they don’t think you’ve done enough to help them (and also, they’re short-sighted asshats.)

Are you really going to stand around and let the Republicans continue to tacitly support the fucking Birthers and question your legitimacy as President?  Are you going to just sit there while Fox fucking News continues to flat out lie about your policies?  Get it together, man!

I’m so disgusted, I can’t even deal with any of you right now. Continue reading


Screech is Broke, Y'all!

I guess his sex tape didn’t sell ts-dustin_diamond

Dustin Diamond, formerly of Saved By the Bell fame owes a whopping twenty-one thousand dollah dollah bills, y’all to the Tax Man in Wisconsin.  A lien filed in Ozaukee County, Wisconsin shows that Dustin, Mr. Diamond if you’re nasty owes $21,015.62 in unpaid taxes.  An Ozaukee County court clerk tipped off TMZ, telling the celebrity news conglomerate that as of two days ago, the bill still hasn’t been paid.

Twenty-one thousand dollars?  Dang!  Weak sauce. At least when Method Man and Snoop Dogg got busted by the Tax Man, they owed a respectable amount.  Plus, they have an excuse–they’re high on weed all time.

In other news, when I think “Tax Man,” I immediately think “BWEE DOP BOP BA DOP BOP!”  I guess in this case it would be “SCREECH DOP BOP BA DOP BOP!”



The Tax Man Cometh

Snoop Dogg in the Tax Terrordomets-snoop-dogg-smoking

Snoop Dogg, née Calvin Broadus owes more than a quarter million dollars in back taxes to the state of California.  Damn, yo.  That’s more money than Method Man owes; Mr. Man only owed about $53K.

People need to stop smoking so much damn weed and pay their damn taxes.


I Was Gonna Pay the Tax Man, But Then I Got High

Method Man Has Got Mail Like Whoa!


In honesty is the best policy news, Method Man of Wu Tang Clan wants you to know that he ain’t broke, y’all.  He’s just too high to remember to do shit.

According to the Daily News, Mr. Man, born Clifford Smith, had his Lincoln Navigator repossessed by the man recently.  (People still drive those?  Really?).  Apparently, Meth owes $52,503 in back taxes to the New York State Department of Taxation, so on March 19, whitey showed up at Method Man’s doorstep to repo some of his shit.

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