Tag Archives: no seriously that just happened

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President Obama at Mandela’s Funeral: Where the White Women At?

President Obama Helle Thorning-SchmidtThe New York Post published a ridiculous article penned by one Andrea Peyser, who, in another life, presumably churned out Harlequin romance novels complete with covers featuring Fabio-esque long-haired hunks ripping the bodices off of damsels in distress.

No, really – it’s that absurd.

For those who have been trapped under something heavy, at Nelson Mandela’s funeral yesterday, President Obama had the gall to chat, and smile, and take a selfie with the Prime Minister of Denmark, Hellee Thorning-Schmidt and British Prime Minister David Cameron.

The U.S. media and various numbskulled Twitterati breathlessly reported President Obama’s social interaction with the other heads of state who attended Mandela’s funeral as “PRESIDENTS GONE WILD!!!11″:
Flirting with Danger

For her part, Andrea Peyser took it to a whole ‘nother level, when she described President Obama as a “hormone-ravaged frat boy on a road trip to a strip bar,” and dumped heaps of sexist and slut-shaming descriptors upon Prime Minister Thorning-Schmidt, describing her as ”voluptuously curvy and married,” a “cross-legged Danish cupcake,” a “Danish hellcat,” “a fan of America’s randy TV show ‘Sex and the City,’ a “Danish tart,” as well as “a blonde bimbo,” who has “gentle gams” and is the “Danish object of [Obama's] desire.”

I’m not making this up, people. These are actual words that Andrea Peyser wrote, and which The New York Post published.

Don’t believe me? Try these direct quotes on for size, in case you don’t want to damage your brain by reading the article itself. (Trust me, I wouldn’t recommend it. After I read it, hundreds of brain cells packed up their suitcases and noped right the fuck out of my medulla oblongata): Continue reading

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The New Republic Publishes Asinine Bullshit About Women and Boobs

WTF.jpgHey! Wanna read something really fucking stupid and sexist? Here you go, courtesy of “liberal” magazine, The New Republic  

The zeitgeist’s heavy hammer—by which I mean the Internet—has landed hard on last week’s Oscar host Seth MacFarlane. The consensus: MacFarlane’s act was racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and, perhaps most unforgivably, not funny. Particularly insulting was the song and dance number, “We Saw Your Boobs,” during which MacFarlane highlighted members of the audience whose breasts he’d seen in movies (many of which were exposed during rape scenes), or, in the case of Scarlett Johansson, in leaked cellphone photos on the Internet. Viewers were right to be offended by MacFarlane’s demeaning routine. The women he mocked are world-class actresses. This was their night to be celebrated, not objectified by an immature jester.

But there’s a group that should be equally irate about “We Saw Your Boobs”: admirers of bare breasts. Because MacFarlane’s is exactly the type of frat-boy behavior that leads so many American women to keep their breasts hidden from public view for fear of just such humiliation.

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Dude Naw: Emory University President, edition.

If the 3/5 Compromise is the best example of compromise you can think of, you’re doing it wrong.

james wagnerIn an article entitled “As American… as Compromise,” Emory University president James Wagner discusses the challenges of university governance, and says that governance requires compromise, like the compromises negotiated by the founding fathers during that whole constitutional convention business.

So far so good.

But then it gets weird: out of all the compromises he could have come up with, Wagner holds up the 3/5 Compromise as an example of super-awesome  compromises.

I KNOW.

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Megan McArdle Suggests We Train Children to Act as Human Body Shields — Seriously.

20121217-161414.jpgLeave it to pink Himalayan salt enthusiast Megan McArdle to propose what may be the dumbest fucking solution to keeping our children safe from gun violence that has ever been proposed — I’m talking weapons-grade dumb. The sort of dumb that has the power to bend space and time.

In her latest effort, Megan McArdle offers the standard libertarian pablum about how we can’t change what we can’t understand — and no, government intervention won’t work because gun control laws will inevitably infringe the God-given right of white men to walk around armed to the teeth, and mental health services are for socialist losers, so we shouldn’t even bother, because shut up that’s why:

The alternative is Newtown. When one tries to picture the mind that plans it, one quickly comes to a dead end. Even if I had been raised with no moral laws at all, even if there were no cops and no prisons, I’m pretty sure that I still wouldn’t want to spend a crisp Friday morning shooting cowering children. Trying to climb this mountain of wickedness is like trying to climb a glass wall with your bare hands. What happened there is pure evil, and evil, unlike common badness, gives an ordinary mind no foothold.

Since we can’t understand it, we can’t change it. And since we can’t change it, our best hope is to box it in. Gun control opponents are angry that liberals immediately started talking about gun control, but this seems like a natural instinct to me. It’s not the best way to get good policy, mind you; hard cases make bad laws, and rules passed in the wake of tragedies tend to be over-specific, and under-careful about unintended consequences. But it’s not somehow indelicate to want to talk about this now; if thirty children had been killed in a landslide, I hope that we’d be talking about whether there might be some way to keep that from happening in the future.

After boring us with her ineffectual handwringing, McArdle proposes a solution that overtakes “MOAR GUNS” as being the top Really Fucking Stupid Solution™: rush the shooter, because why the fuck not?

That’s right. She wants to train children to rush the shooter. After all, the gunman might be able to mow down the first 8 to 12 kids, but after that — if there’s a good 50 kids bum-rushing him — the gunman is going to get taken down… eventually. (I guess “8 to 12 kids” is the price she is willing to pay for the right to shoot whateverthefuck, wheneverthefuck.)

I’d also like us to encourage people to gang rush shooters, rather than following their instincts to hide; if we drilled it into young people that the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run at the guy with the gun, these sorts of mass shootings would be less deadly, because even a guy with a very powerful weapon can be brought down by 8-12 unarmed bodies piling on him at once.

Hey, you know what else would make these sorts of mass shootings less deadly? Fucking gun-control laws. Besides, I don’t think teaching children to throw themselves in front of guns that shoot eleventy-million rounds per second counts as the sort of meaningful action that President Obama passionately spoke about in the wake of this tragedy.

Also, doesn’t McArdle’s solution seem a little bit too close to victim-blaming? It’s like: Hey kids! You wouldn’t be dead if you would have just bum-rushed the shooter! Duh!

So, way to go, Meg! Way to put the death of the twenty children who were gunned down by Adam Lanza squarely on the shoulders of the other children — like this little girl who played dead amongst the bodies of her slain friends before running out of the school drenched in blood — who had the temerity to survive. Nice job.

Sigh.

These “more guns, don’t tread on me” people are craven assholes. McArdle should lose her job, but she won’t. Craven assholes never do. But hey, at least she said that we’re not being “indelicate” by talking about ways to prevent it from being too goddamn easy for a madman to walk into a kindergarten classroom and gun down 20 kids.

Our benevolent libertarian overlord is going to let us talk about it! So we’ve got that going for us – which is nice.

[via New York Magazine]

[cross-posted at Balloon Juice]

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Michigan GOP Wants to Give Tax Break to Fetuses — Yes, Seriously

This is just plain stupid:

One of the jokes I have often made about so-called personhood amendments is that if you give a fertilized egg full rights as a person, you should get to claim them on your taxes, too.

Suddenly, that joke is a lot less funny.

Michigan Republicans are now pushing a bill that would grant a tax credit to any fetus proven to be at least 12 weeks along by December 31st. Calling it an “advance” on the actual tax break the family would receive the next calendar year, the GOP frames the financial help as a chance to offset expenses with pregnancy.

Michigan slashed the child tax credit last year.  Now Michigan Republicans want to give fetal tax credits.  They also don’t want you to say “vagina.”

Stop the planet, please. I want to get off.

[via RH Reality Check]

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Shorter @CNN: Single women don’t vote right because of their monthly bleedings. [update 2x]

I don’t even know what to say to this.

I just –

The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama and committed women appeared more likely to vote for Romney, by a margin of at least 20%, Durante said. This seems to be the driver behind the researchers’ overall observation that single women were inclined toward Obama and committed women leaned toward Romney.

Here’s how Durante explains this: When women are ovulating, they “feel sexier,” and therefore lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality. Married women have the same hormones firing, but tend to take the opposite viewpoint on these issues, she says.

“I think they’re overcompensating for the increase of the hormones motivating them to have sex with other men,” she said. It’s a way of convincing themselves that they’re not the type to give in to such sexual urges, she said.

Durante’s previous research found that women’s ovulation cycles also influence their shopping habits, buying sexier clothes during their most fertile phase.

So if you see a slut in a short skirt voting for Obama on November 6, ask her if she’s married, offer her a tampon and then tell her she really meant to vote for Romney but she just doesn’t know it because her hormones are fucking up her mind-head.

As a side note, my favorite bit of this article is this:

Please continue reading with caution. Although the study will be published in the peer-reviewed journal Psychological Science, several political scientists who read the study have expressed skepticism about its conclusions.

YA THINK!?

It couldn’t be that women feel as if they should maintain some control over their own bodies: Who gets to enter them and who gets to come out. It couldn’t be that single women feel more targeted by Republican policies. Nooooo. We lean liberal because of our fucking periods and whether or not we’re married.

I swear to–

UPDATE: My issue is not with the methodology of the study, or even that the study was conducted. People conduct studies on all kinds of silly bullshit that don’t make it into the mainstream media, so, ultimately, nobody gives a fuck. My issue is that CNN published this tripe — two weeks before an election so crucial to women and women’s reproductive rights — and given CNN’s rightward leanings, the article feeds into an overarching meme that there is something wrong with unmarried or childless women. And especially since no comparative study about men’s voting habits has been conducted or published, this article feeds ugly stereotypes about women being emotional and incapable of rational thought. The article trivializes our thought processes and decision making. It trivializes those of us who pay attention to politics — those of us who think about what these candidates and their respective parties stand for, and those of us who are fighting the war against inner-vaginal governments — and chalks it all up to our periods.

THAT IS BULLSHIT.

UPDATE 2: CNN has removed the post, ostensibly because hormonal bitches be all upset.

Next time, try not posting that sort of crap in the first place, ya dig?

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Romney Middle East Geography Fail

Apropos of Romney claiming yet again last night that Iran is Syria’s path to the sea – it isn’t; he is confusing Iran and Iraq, and it’s not the first time he has done so.*** — here is a very funny map:

I love that Rhode Island is off the coast of Israel and West Germany.

***I mean, I guess Syria could be Iran’s path to the sea — if you ignore the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Oman (ignore these gulfs!), and if you ignore the Caspian Sea (it’s more of a lake!):

Mitt Romney has been making this geographically unsound claim since April.  SINCE APRIL.  Did no one on the Romney campaign think to upload Google maps to Mitt3PO’s hard drive at some point between fucking April and last night?  NO ONE?

COME ON, SON.

(h/t Milt Shook)

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Zandar’s Morning Read: A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Drudges

BuzzFeed’s Mike Hayes wins the morning.

Chipotle, anyone?  While you’re watching Obama videos from 2007, that is.
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Latest Wingnut Claim in Forbes Magazine: Killing Osama bin Laden was actually an Obama foreign policy failure.

ninja, please.

 According to Richard Miniter of Forbes, so anxious was President Obama to take credit for Osama bin Laden’s death (which, in and of itself is abjectly ridiculous since President Obama’s speech late that Sunday night in April 2011 gave full credit to SEAL Team 6) that he blundered by not keeping the op a secret, capturing bin Laden alive, and using the intel gained from the operation to — “within a few weeks” — take out all of Al Qaeda:

Obama ran to the cameras and raced to tell the world that bin Laden was dead– just hours after his body bobbed beneath the waves in the wake of the USS Carl Vinson. He was anxious for the credit, not realizing that the credit would keep. He forgot about the military advantage of surprise.`

In his hurry, Obama forgot the two trash bags of papers, hard drives and thumb drives that the SEALs had dragged from bin Laden’s lair. Those documents and devices contained a treasure trove of intelligence: the whereabouts of al Qaeda’s senior commanders, the secret sources of funds, its hideouts, its sleeper cells, its pending plots.

With a few weeks to translate and analyze those captured documents, the CIA and other services could have been providing actionable intelligence to guide commandos to the secret locations of al Qaeda leaders all over the world. With the element of surprise and clearly defined targets, nearly every al Qaeda leader could have been killed or captured.

The entire al Qaeda apparatus could have been wiped out. The terror organization could have been eliminated.

If he waited a few weeks, Obama could not have just announced the death of bin Laden, but the death of al Qaeda. This is the best way to end wars, with victory.

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Rick Santorum: Smart People Aren’t on the Side of Conservatives

File this under “No shit, Sherlock”

This is classic:

WASHINGTON, DC — Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum attacked the media and “smart people” for not being on the side of conservatives in a speech to the Values Voter Summit on Saturday.
“We will never have the media on our side, ever, in this country,” Santorum, a former Pennsylvania senator, told the audience at the Omni Shoreham hotel. “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

Good god. This is where we are? Wingnuts are now telling their supporters that smart people will never be on their side? Does he realize that the negative pregnant of that statement is as follows: “You people are fucking stupid.”

Tebow take the wheel and beat me over the head with it.