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Author Archives: ABL

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We have Angry Black Stuff for Sale!

Check out my new Angry Black Shoppe!  Oooooh!  Aaaaaaah!

If you look on my sidebar, you’ll see my Angry Black Shoppe!  So stop in.  Look around.  We’ve got iPad, iPhone 3GS and iPhone 4 cases (because, duh and/or hello, I love Apple stuff.)  We’ve got shirts, for mens and womenses.  We’ve got dog bowls, mugs… um… hats, and, let’s see… a bunch of other crap. Magnets!  We’ve got magnets!  (How do they fuckin’ work?)

Aaaaanywhoodle, you should buy some stuff.  You know you want to.  It’s for a good cause. I will be donating all the proceeds to Camp Cocker Rescue.

So buy something, TODAY. Or, you know… whenever. (click for a video of my hella smart dogg)

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South Dakota Wants to Make it Totally Cool to Murder Abortion Providers

What the–?!

I have no words:

A law under consideration in South Dakota would expand the definition of “justifiable homicide” to include killings that are intended to prevent harm to a fetus—a move that could make it legal to kill doctors who perform abortions. The Republican-backed legislation, House Bill 1171, has passed out of committee on a nine-to-three party-line vote, and is expected to face a floor vote in the state’s GOP-dominated House of Representatives soon.

“The bill in South Dakota is an invitation to murder abortion providers.”

The bill, sponsored by state Rep. Phil Jensen, a committed foe of abortion rights, alters the state’s legal definition of justifiable homicide by adding language stating that a homicide is permissible if committed by a person “while resisting an attempt to harm” that person’s unborn child or the unborn child of that person’s spouse, partner, parent, or child. If the bill passes, it could in theory allow a woman’s father, mother, son, daughter, or husband to kill anyone who tried to provide that woman an abortion—even if she wanted one.

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Can We Impeach Clarence Thomas Yet?

Or maybe, just add another justice or five to SCOTUS (of my choosing, obvs)?

Clarence Thomas is useless.  We all know it.  He hasn’t spoken in Court in five years.  Not one question.  Not one “Say that again?”  Not one “Do you smell that?”  Not one “Asphinctersayswhat?”

He just sits there — silent in his black robe — like a non-ambulatory ninja.

Well, as it so happens, he might be is a crook also, too: Continue reading

Serena Branson: Alien News Anchor is an Alien

What in the –!?

What.

The.

What?!

I can’t stop watching it.

[Never heard of Drinking Out of Cups?!  Watch it if you haven't seen it before.  Do it.]

(Ed. – I hope she’s not sick or something.)

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Disney World/Land: The Nacho Cheese is 2 Damn Hot and That One Song is 2 Damn Annoying!

?? It’s a death trap after all! It’s a death trap after all! It’s a death trap after all! It’s a death death trap! ??

Two lawsuits were filed against one or the other of the Disneys this week.  A family is suing because some scalding hot nacho “cheese” burned their kid:

A Chula Vista. Calif. couple filed suit against Walt Disney Parks and Resorts this week, claiming their 4-year-old son received severe burns during dinner at Orlando’s Magic Kingdom last March. According to the family’s San Diego-based attorney, Sean Cahill, young Isaiah Harris was injured at Cosmic Ray’s Starlite Cafe when a paper cup of scalding nacho cheese splashed on his face after he grabbed a food tray to keep from falling out of an unsteady chair. The suit claims the child suffered “permanent scarring, pain and suffering” as a result of the burns, and his parents, Michael and Maria Harris, suffered “serious emotional distress.”

This lawsuit hearkens back to the infamous hot coffee lawsuit involving some lady dumping some hella hot McDonald’s coffee on her lap. I wish I had something more exciting to say about it, but I just read the Wikipedia entry about that case, and I’m fairly certain that I’m dumber than I was five minutes ago. I want my brain back, Wikipedia.  In any event, if you take a look at the photo of Isaiah Harris, the kid looks like he was severely burned.  Poor kid.

Why does Walt Disney hate your children?

The second lawsuit was filed by a disabled man in California — a man whose hand I want to shake: Continue reading

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Challah Black Friday: Hit the Road, Mubarak

A, B, C-ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!

Buh-bye, Mubarak.  Please let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Thanks to frøzenladyMN for the idea.  I was loathe to post the damn Bangles.

But if the Bangles you need, the Bangles you shall get. (click, click, click my little chickens)

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Sarah Palin for President 2014 (ssssshhhhhhh!)

“I can see Russia from my vagina.”

Best thing Gina Gershon has done since the glorious trainwreck that is Showgirls:

(wanna see another one? click here!)

Christine O'Donnell: S.C.R.E.A.M. (Socialist Cash Rules Everything Around Me)

The only happy trail she’s concerned about is the money trail

OMG, you guyz!!  The Virgin Saint of Financial Mismanagement is going to investigate leftist socialistlibrulists groups because GEORGE SOROS and JEWS, that’s why:

Failed GOP Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell is back, and she’s telling supporters she wants her newly formed political action committee ChristinePAC to “investigate and counter attack leftwing groups.”

O’Donnell, who wrote that her losing campaign sent “shockwaves” throughout the nation, said in an e-mail to supporters Tuesday that her group will look into the groups “funded with one million dollars or more from billionaire leftist George Soros.”

“The Left keeps after me because they consider strong, Republican women a danger to their status quo,” O’Donnell wrote. “Your donation also enables me to speak out in many venues from Coast to Coast, thereby helping support a nationwide effort. This is a way that will help me counter attack our opponents and bring the battle to them.”

ChristinePAC is based out of O’Donnell’s Delaware home, raising concerns for ethics groups given that O’Donnell is already under investigation for alleged misuse of campaign funds.

Christine, honey — you’re never going to achieve full Palinosity until you stop running your PAC from your fucking house.  You should totally demand that Fox News build you a house!  They built Sarah her own studio!  Aren’t you, like, totes jellis!?  Well, you should be.  I heard Palin talking shit about you during the pep rally.  I heard from this one chick that Sarah calls you thunder thighs behind your back, like, all the time.  I know!  What a slutbag! What’s her damage, anyway?

Run along, now.  Aren’t you late for your weekly virgin sacrifice?  Here: you can borrow my pentagram pendant.

[via TPM]

[cross-posted here at Balloon Juice]

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Sookie Sookie: Angry Black Lady Meets Aasif Mandvi

Holy Crapstick! I Ran into Aasif Mandvi at Whole Foods!

Don’t you love it how when you’re having an awful day because you’re fairly certain your health insurance provider is trying to kill you dead, but then you meet Aasif Mandvi in the health and beauty aisle of your local Whole Foods and suddenly your day is better? Don’t you love when that happens? Oh, that’s never happened to you? Well it happened to me! Today! Huzzah!

I’ve seen my fair share of celebrities. I’ve been living in LA for ten years, after all. When I spot a celeb, generally I make note of it, text a couple girlfriends — “Guess who I just saw!?” — and move on. I rarely get excited enough about seeing a particular celebrity that it warrants interrupting them as they attempt to go about their business, buying Tom’s of Maine toothpaste at Whole Foods.  It just seems obnoxious.  The only other time I’ve stopped a celeb and asked for a photo is when I saw Tyson Beckford at a pool party a few years ago. I approached him for a photo simply because he and I were the only two black people at the party, and so I figured he owed me. You know — to give back to the community n shit.

Anyway, I practically ran into him, pointed at him and said “you!” Then, I mumbled something about loving his work and something about being a blogger (who isn’t these days, MIRITE?), but managed to get it together enough to introduce myself and tell him to check out angryblackladychronicles.com if he was ever so inclined. Then I asked some dude who was buying some sort of whatever if he would mind taking a picture for me. After the dude took the photo, Aasif was nice enough to stick around to make sure the photo was decent. Then I shook his hand and we parted ways. It was all I could do to not have a total fangirl attack right there next to the organic sunglasses.

And that, citizens, is the story of How Aasif Mandvi Made Angry Black Lady’s Day. Huzzah!

(click here for MOAR Mandvi)

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Ronald Reagan Hagiography: The Clothes Have No Emperor

So he would have been 100 years old — so what?  He was still a disaster — as this book will remind you — so let’s stop fellating him already.

Ken Layne’s Wonkette post convinced me to check out Paul Slansky’s e-book called The Clothes Have No Emperor.  I’m about one hundred pages in, and it’s fantastic.  It’s essentially a timeline of the Reagan years broken down into bite-size pieces.  (You can read portions for free here — you’re going to want to buy it.  Trust.)

As a child of the eighties, I remember not liking Reagan (it was a reflexive reaction having been raised by sociofascist hippies) but I was a little fuzzy on all the details.  I remember watching the Iran-Contra hearings, and being annoyed that it was interrupting General Hospital – hey, I was like 10 years old.  Anyway, this book fills in those fuzzy details, and after reading only a chapter, one gets the grave sense that the history of this man’s presidency was being re-written as it was happening.  It’s disturbing.

From the website for The Clothes Have No Emperor: Continue reading

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