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Dear GOP, You Suck: A Wake-up Call from Someone Who Ought to Be Part of Its Base, But Isn’t

 

The elusive white family in its native suburban habitat

We really should be part of the GOP’s base. But we’re not. via ericgarland.co

Today’s must-read blog post is from St. Louis suburbanite Eric Garland, a man who has been groomed for generations to be a part of the loyal Republican base. As he notes:

To whom it may concern regarding the United States federal elections of 2014, 2016 and beyond:

Allow me to introduce myself to you, the existing (or aspiring!) strategist for the Republican Party. My name is Eric Arnold Garland and I am a White Man. Boy, am I ever – you need sunglasses just to look at my photo!

If I read the news correctly, I fit a profile that is of extreme importance to the GOP, as I embody the archetype that fits your narrative of Real Americans. Just how much should my profile interest you? Are you sitting down?

  • My family lineage goes back to the MAYFLOWER, BOAT ONE!!! (Garland family of New England-> John Adams -> Howard Alden -> Plymouth colony ->KINGS OF MUTHAF***IN’ ENGLAND)
  • I am a heterosexual, married to the super Caucasian mother of my two beautiful children who are, inexplicably, EVEN WHITER THAN I AM.
  • I am college educated (Master’s degree!) and affluent.
  • I am a job creator and small businessman.
  • We pay a lot of taxes! Every year!
  • I grew up in a rural area and despise laziness!
  • Having started my own business, I have complained at length about the insanity of federal, state and local bureaucracy – and its deleterious impact on the innovative small businessman.
  • I currently live in the suburbs in a historically Red state.

So why isn’t he on board with the GOP Crazy Train? He has several excellent reasons which you must read his entire blog post to appreciate, but here’s just one example he proffers:

Science - One of the reasons my family is affluent is that my wife and I have a collective fifteen years of university education between us. I have a Masters degree in Science and Technology Policy, and my wife is a physician who holds degrees in medicine as well as cell and molecular biology. We are really quite unimpressed with Congressional representatives such as Todd Akin and Paul Broun who actually serve on the House science committee and who believe, respectively, that rape does not cause pregnancy and that evolution and astrophysics are lies straight from Satan’s butt cheeks. These are, sadly, only two of innumerable assaults that the Republican Party has made against hard science – with nothing to say of logic in general. Please understand the unbearable tension this might create between us and your candidates.

Did I mention that his blog has crashed repeatedly since he posted this missive? He’s upgraded his servers now to handle the traffic, so go read and savor. Share with your friends.

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2 Responses to Dear GOP, You Suck: A Wake-up Call from Someone Who Ought to Be Part of Its Base, But Isn’t

  1. Same with my Father! Hates unions and paying taxes, but voted for Obama. The main reason is Obamacare! He has been on the board of a hospital for 20 years, and says Obamacare is a step in the right direction.

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