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*Slap*! Attention, Sarah Palin. I, Minna Hong (asiangrrlMN) Challenge You to a Duel – Er, a Debate

Shut up, stupid talking lady!

So, apparently, Sarah Palin feels it’s about time for her to be yapping her mouth about whatever.  I try not to pay attention because I feel my BP shoot up and my IQ  plummet every time I hear her talk.  She had been pleasantly missing from the news for the past few months – until the HBO movie came out, the one with the luscious Julianne Moore (which I did not watch because I lived through that shit.  Why would I want to go through it again?).  Then, suddenly, BAM.  Palin was in the news again decrying the movie and saying stupid shit such as the president is black, y’all, er, not American, er, you know what I’m trying to say and wants to take us back to pre-Civil War America.  WTF?

She was rightly mocked for her statements, and as noted by my angry black overlady, #Obama2012 put together an ad using Palin’s words to raise some money.   That was a no-brainer, much like Palin herself, given that Palin practically served herself up on a platter with her inane comments.  By the way, why is this irrelevant jackhole given any airtime at all?  I know, I know, the ratings and the clicks.  Anyway, two-day circus, and scene.

So, that should have been the end of that, right?  Wrong.  Palin comes back all pouty and victim-like, saying on the Book of Faces:

I’m not running for any office, but I’m more than happy to accept the dubious honor of being Barack Obama’s ‘enemy of the week’ if that includes the opportunity to debate him on the issues Americans are actually concerned about.

[She added] I’m willing and free to discuss these issues with the President anywhere, anytime.

First of all, of course she has time to debate the president – she has no job, unlike the president.  Second of all, who the fuck does she think she is calling out the president like that?  She’s just a regular citizen now with no title in front of her name.  She’s not even running as the Republican candidate (though my theory is she wants to be brokered in).  Thirdly, she was the one trash-talking the prez, and then she gets all whiny when some of her own is aimed back at her.  She has professional victimhood down to a science.

Putting all that aside with difficulty, here’s the thing – she can make a challenge like this because she knows there is no chance in hell President Obama will take her up on it.  Why would he?  Putting aside the sheer ridiculousness of the proposal*, there is no upside to the president were he to accept.  No matter how gentlemanly he were in dismantling Palin, the president would be accused of being a bully.

VP Biden went easy on Palin during the debates because he didn’t want to be seen as beating up on the stupid woman, not because she didn’t deserve it, but because the optics would have been horrible.  Oh no, the mean man is picking on the poor defenseless woman who was only picked as VP because she was a woman!  Never mind the reeking sexism of this sentiment, it’s the truth.  Had VP Biden completely unleashed on Palin, the cries of sexism would have been heard far and wide.

Now, imagine President Obama debating Half-Term Governor Palin.  ZOMIGOD!  BLACK MAN INTIMIDATES AND THREATENS WHITE WOMAN UNTIL SHE COLLAPSES UNDER THE PRESSURE!  No, the headlines wouldn’t be that blatant, but they would be pretty damn close.  So, we can all agree that there is absolutely no reason for the president to debate Palin, yes?

I challenge you to a DUEL! DEBATE! Something starting with a D!

This is where I step in.

Any man who debates Palin will be accused of sexism, regardless.  So, obviously, anyone who debates Palin has to be a female.  Hey!  I’m female!  In addition, I have never held office of any sort so she cannot accuse me of using my title to bludgeon her with my experiences or something like that.

I’m just an ordinary citizen like her.  In fact, she has the edge on me because she’s been a governor for a couple of years and ran as a VP nom for decades several months as well.  She got prepped for her interviews and debate, though it didn’t help, and I have nothing but my native intellect and my charm.

I will be President Obama’s stand-in and debate Palin on any topic from foreign policy to a woman’s right to choose.  She can crib notes on her hand – I don’t care.   Oh, I would say no teleprompters, though, so the right can’t complain about that.  Since she thinks teleprompters are the work of the debbil, she should be fine with that, amirite?

I want it to be Pay-Per-View with the proceeds going to President Obama’s reelection campaign – just don’t tell Palin.  She probably wouldn’t care as long as she can get her face on the TeeVee Machine and a couple bills in her pocket, but better safe than sorry.

I think it should be moderated by Melissa Harris-Perry and….oh, let’s say, Megyn Kelly to make it all-female and because she was OK in one debate if I remember correctly – which is iffy because I try to wipe my memory of the GOP debates as soon as they happen.   I had the idea that I would suggest submit topics a week before the debate and Palin would do the same.  It would give us a week to bone up on the other person’s topics.  My brother said, “That gives her time to prepare on your topics.”  I laughed and said, “She won’t.  She didn’t prepare well enough for her VP debate, so how the hell is she going to prepare for this?”

I, on the other hand, would not only prepare for the debate, I would memorize my answers ahead of time.  Not only am I a writer, I was a performer in a former life, and I have that thing called charisma when I choose not to be a grumpy misanthrope.   I can speak eloquently even without my swears, and I have nice tits, too.  Oh, let’s not pretend that’s sex appeal was not part of Palin’s allure – at least to the RWNJ.  I will take a page out of Palin’s book and wink and maybe giggle if I can’t answer a question.  I’ll flash a bit of thigh, and complete the talent portion of the competition by playing the cello.**

I think this would be a great way for two citizens to debate the issues ‘real Americans’ are concerned about.  What say you, Sarah Palin?

*He would wipe the floor with her, and he wouldn’t even have to break a sweat to do it.

**Check out 9:35 of the  embedded video above to get the reference.

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12 Responses to *Slap*! Attention, Sarah Palin. I, Minna Hong (asiangrrlMN) Challenge You to a Duel – Er, a Debate

  1. Sarah Palin is the quintessential narcissistic high school personality who never grew out of that mindset when her body reached full adulthood…she was an attention whore then and remains so decades later, which is why she ran for public office and folded her tent when the pressure got to hot for her precious sensibilities to handle…

  2. i would so host a debate party for this.

  3. That Guy With The Ponytail

    If I can’t be on the crew*, I’d love to be in the studio audience.

    * I can do TV stuff, just lettin’ ya know.

  4. Mina – you can’t challenge Sarah Palin to a debate. We all saw ‘game change’ the woman is dumb as a post.

    You’re an informed woman of color – Sarah Palin’s knowledge of the world has never made it past coloring books. It wouldn’t be a fair fight.

  5. I don’t want to watch this.

    Palin embarrasses and angers me to no end and you debating her is just going to make it worse.

    You could have probably done a better job as Governor of Alaska than she did. And I definitely know more about foreign policy. When she said how she could see Russia from the state capitol – I really lost it.

    • I understand, n_absentia. I loathe her very much, and it reached the point where I had to laugh at her or I would bust my own eardrums with my rusty pitchfork™. I can’t believe she’s still given airtime.

  6. Hey if you need a practice Palin to debate against I can stuff myself in a pencil skirt, pile my hair up on top of my head and string random, racist, and nonsensical words together with extra prepositions and conjunctions thrown in also, too.

  7. Would you mind debating Queen Esther while clutching to your breast a special needs child? Just to make things fair and all.

  8. Sorry grrl, she won’t debate or duel you.

    Don’t forget she ran away from Hawaii when she was at college there because of all the scary Asians.

    It must be so because her father Chuckles said so.

  9. Minna,

    Good plan, but: Never get so close in a duel as depicted in the illustration; you want to let the blade do the work for you.

    What? That’s what my fencing teacher tells me every week.

    • I believe your fencing teacher is correct, Johannes. My tai chi teacher would agree (I’m learning the Sword Form now).

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